Happiness Is Seeing Your Son

The Worst Gift Is A Fruitcake. There Is Only One Fruitcake In The Entire World, And People Keep Sending It To Each Other.

Democracy Means That Anyone Can Grow Up To Be President, And Anyone Who Doesn't Grow Up Can Be Vice President.

I Play My Life Straight - The Way I See It. I'm Grateful To Audiences For Watching Me And For Enjoying What I Do - But I'm Not One Of Those Who Believe That A Successful Entertainer Is Made By The Public, As Is So Often Said.

If Life Was Fair, Elvis Would Be Alive And All The Impersonators Would Be Dead.

People Are Hypocrites. If You Ask Them What They Want To See On Tv, They'll Tell You They Want Better Quality Programming. And Then What Do They Watch? 'gilligan's Island.'