God Makes Trees, He Doesn't

Recognition Is One Of The Three Big Elements Of Comedy.

Sometimes I'm Dragging My Ass Out To The Airport At 8 A.m. On A Saturday And I'm Wondering Why I'm Doing This, But Once I Walk On Stage I Know Why...because I'm Addicted.

People Say To Me All The Time, "i Get My News From Your Show." And That Isn't The Way They Should Get Their News. But The Choice Is Not Between Getting Their News The Right Way And Getting Their News From My Show. The Choice Is That They Won't Get Any At All Unless You Give It To Them In An Entertaining Package.

It Was Quite A Sight To See Obama Next To President Hu. Obama Has A Nobel Peace Prize In His Basement, And Hu Has A Nobel Peace Prize Winner In His.

New Jersey Mayor Corey Booker Last Night Personally Rescued A Woman From A Burning Building. Or As Fox News Reported It, 'black Man Loots House, Steals White Woman.'