George Bush Hates Midgets.

I'm Pretty Good At Getting Over People Throwing Stuff At Me. If You've Been Doing Stand Up Long Enough You Know How To Swing Back And Get The Laughs.

There's Always A Moment In Any Stand-up Show I Do Where People Are Booing. They Kinda Boo A Premise. And Then I Bail Myself Out With A Joke. But It's Like Trying To Do Movies Where There's A Dramatic Undertone.

Only A Woman Can Make You Feel Wrong For Doing Something Right.

Kids Always Act Up The Most Before They Go To Sleep. And When I See The Tea Party And All This Stuff, It Actually Feels Like Racism’s Almost Over. Because This Is The Last - This Is The Act Up Before The Sleep. They’re Going Crazy. They’re Insane. You Want To Get Rid Of Them - And The Next Thing You Know, They’re Fucking Knocked Out. And That’s What’s Going On In The Country Right Now.

I Used To Work At Mcdonald's Making Minimum Wage. You Know What That Means When Someone Pays You Minimum Wage? You Know What Your Boos Was Trying To Say? "hey If I Could Pay You Less, I Would, But It's Against The Law."