Every Great Thing Starts With

Every Time You Come In From Cheating On Someone, They'll Just Whip Out The Most Adorable Term Of Endearment. Like, They'll Wake Up, Bright And Early, Sleep In Their Eyes And Say: "hey, Perfect."

It's Amazing How Dumb People Can Impress You With How Much Stupider They Can Be When They Really Assert Themselves.

I Can Do More Than Just Stand-up Comedy, And The Only Way I'll Be Able To Show That Is If I Do It Myself. Because Nobody Trusts That I Can Do It.

I'm Quitting The Business Today. I'm Going To Open Up An Appliance Store, I've Always Really Been Into Toasters. I'm Giving It All Up.

When You Don't Have Love, It's Like There's A Party Going On, And Everybody Was Invited, Except For You. And You Just Happened To Be Walking By That House In The Rain...