Every Boy Should Have Two

You Won't Find One Fish In A Million That Has Enough Sense To Come In When It Rains.

A Child Of Three Cannot Raise Its Chubby Fist To Its Mouth To Remove A Piece Of Carpet Which It Is Through Eating, Without Being Made The Subject Of A Psychological Seminar Of Child-welfare Experts, And Written Up, Along With Five Hundred Other Children Of Three Who Have Put Their Hands To Their Mouths For The Same Reason.

The Surest Way To Make A Monkey Of A Man Is To Quote Him. That Remark In Itself Wouldn’t Make Any Sense If Quoted As It Stands. The Average Man Ought To Be Allowed A Quotation Of No Less Than Three Sentences, One To Make His Statement And Two To Explain What He Meant. Ralph Waldo Emerson Was About The Only One Who Could Stand Having His Utterances Broken Up Into Sentence Quotations, And Every Once In A While Even He Doesn’t Sound So Sensible In Short Snatches.

What Is The Disease Which Manifests Itself In An Inability To Leave A Party--any Party At All--until It Is All Over And The Lightsare Being Put Out?... I Suppose That Part Of This Mania For Staying Is Due To A Fear That, If I Go, Something Good Will Happen And I'll Miss It. Somebody Might Do Card Tricks, Or Shoot Somebody Else.

In Milwaukee Last Month A Man Died Laughing Over One Of His Own Jokes. That's What Makes It So Tough For Us Outsiders. We Have To Fight Home Competition.