Ever Notice That Soup For

I've Never Been Able To Write For Stand-up.

My Fashion Philosophy Is, If You're Not Covered In Dog Hair, Your Life Is Empty.

It Doesn't Bother Me That I'm Not A Household Word On The East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I'm So Popular In These Cities Where You've Never Imagined An East Coast Comedian Working.

I Am Thankful The Most Important Key In History Was Invented. It's Not The Key To Your House, Your Car, Your Boat, Your Safety Deposit Box, Your Bike Lock Or Your Private Community. It's The Key To Order, Sanity, And Peace Of Mind. The Key Is 'delete.'

I Just Get The Feeling That If Jesse Helms Was In Charge Of Art In America, You'd Go Into A Museum And See Nothing But Prints Of Dogs Playing Cards.