Emotional Affairs, Those Are The

When You Become A Comedian A Lot Of Stuff That Made You Laugh Before Just Stops. You Stop Watching Your Old Cartoons You Used To Watch. You Stop Reading The Funnies. It's Like Working At A Strip Club. You Don't Come Home And Turn On The Playboy Channel.

Charlie Brown Is The One Person I Identify With. C.b. Is Such A Loser. He Wasn't Even The Star Of His Own Halloween Special.

I Live Way Below My Means.

You Want To Track Hollywood Careers, Look In The Real Estate Section. You See A Guy Buy A House That Costs $6 Million, And You Can Literally Start Counting The Days Until He Starts Doing Crappy Movies.

Give Me A Black Man, A White Woman, A Giraffe, A Zebra Anything But Another White Man! That Last One F***ed Up My Roof!