Do You Think I Am

I Think We Should Only Get 3 Honks A Month On The Car Horn. Then, Someone Cuts You Off, You Press The Horn, And Nothing Happens. You're Like, "crap! I Wish I Hadn't Seen Ricky On The Sidewalk!"

I Want To Make A Vending Machine That Sells Vending Machines. It'd Have To Be Real Big.

I Bought A Seven-dollar Pen Because I Always Lose Pens And I Got Sick Of Not Caring.

Comedy Clubs Have Brick Walls Behind The Performer. Bricks Make You Funny. When I'm In Front Of A Fireplace, I'm Hilarious.

I Wish My Name Was Brian Because Maybe Sometimes People Would Misspell My Name And Call Me Brain. That's Like A Free Compliment And You Don't Even Gotta Be Smart To Notice It.