Contrary To Popular Belief. It's

A Pessimist Sees The Glass As Half Empty; A Cub Fan Wonders When It's Gonna Spill.

I Never Went To A John Wayne Movie To Find A Philosophy To Live By Or To Absorb A Profound Message. I Went For The Simple Pleasure Of Spending A Couple Of Hours Seeing The Bad Guys Lose.

When I Conducted A Beer-rating Session Last Year, I Wrote That Most American Beers Taste As If They Were Brewed Through A Horse. That Offended Many People In The American Beer Industry, As Well As Patriots Who Thought I Was Being Subversive In Praising Foreign Beers. I Have Just Read A Little-known Study Of American Beers. So I Must Apologize To The Horse. At Least With A Horse, We'd Know What We're Getting.

Show Me Somebody Who Is Always Smiling, Always Cheerful, Always Optimistic, And I Will Show You Somebody Who Hasn't The Faintest Idea What The Heck Is Really Going On.

Why Do You Think The Lottery Is So Popular? Do You Think Anybody Would Play If The Super Payoff Was A Job On The Night Shift In A Meat-packing Plant? People Play It So If They Win They Can Be Rich And Idle. Like I Told You Years Ago - If Work Is So Good, How Come They Have To Pay Us To Do It?