Comedians Don`t Get Oscars, So

I Just Downloaded Eleven Hundred Books Onto My Kindle, And Now I Can’t Lift It.

There's No Better Way To Learn Something Than To Learn It In Front Of An Audience. Your Terror Drives You.

I Opened The Show With This Line: "i Have Decided To Give The Greatest Performance Of My Life! Oh, Wait, Sorry, That's Tomorrow Night.

I Thought Yesterday Was The First Day Of The Rest Of My Life But It Turns Out Today Is.

I Would Assign Every Lie A Color: Yellow When They Were Innocent, Pale Blue When They Sailed Over You Like The Sky, Red Because I Knew They Drew Blood. And Then There Was The Black Lie. That's The Worst Of All. A Black Lie Was When I Told You The Truth.