Before She Got Here Everything

I Am A Child. I Am Two Feet Tall, And Asking If She Loves Me.

Uriah Looked Better Than He Did An Hour Ago--he Washed The Blood From His Mouth, And Some Of The Color Returned To His Face. I'm Struck, Suddenly, By How Handsome He Is-- All His Features Are Proportionate, His Eyes Dark And Lively, His Skin Bronze-brown. And He Has Probably Always Been Handsome. Only Boys Who Have Been Handsome From A Young Age Have That Arrogance In Their Smile. Not Like Tobias, Who Is Almost Shy When He Smiles Like He Is Surprised You Bothered To Look At Him From The First Place.

I Stare At Him. I Feel My Heartbeat Everywhere, Even In My Toes. I Feel Like Doing Something Bold, But I Could Just As Easily Walk Away. I Am Not Sure Which Option Is Smarter, Or Better. I Am Not Sure That I Care.

It's Not Cruelty, Maybe, But A Desire To Understand That Motivates Them.

A Sob Racks My Body Again, And He Wraps His Arms Around Me So Tightly I Find It Difficult To Breathe, But It Doesn't Matter. My Dignified Weeping Gives Way To Full-on Ugliness, My Mouth Open And My Face Contorted And Sounds Like A Dying Animal Coming From My Throat. If This Continues I Will Break Apart, And Maybe That Would Be Better, Maybe It Would Be Better To Shatter And Bear Nothing.