Aspirin Will Not Bring Dead

Are You Shooting Webs Of Stupid At Me?

Sex And Murder Are The Same. Well, You Say The Same After Both Don't You? "damn I Got To Get The Hell Out Of Here!" "what Was I Thinking!"

I'm Sorry, Was That Homophobic? No--i Think It Was, 'cause I Hear That A Lot. Dave, What?, You're Talking About Being Gay. You Probably Secretly Are Gay. And I'm Like Listen Voice In My Head, I'm Not! How Do You Know You Wouldn't Like It? How Do You Know You Wouldn't Like It? I Know I Wouldn't Like It, Other Scarier Voice In My Head! 'cause One Time While Making A Sandwich, A Cucumber Went Up My Ass. Three Times.

I Hang Out With My Dad Mostly, My Dad Was In The Military. He's At That Age Now Where His War Stories And Other Stories Have Blended Together, So Now You Don't Know What He's Talking About. One Time, We Were Surrounded, Then We Ran Out Of Ammo, Then We Were Fighting Hand-to-hand, Then We Started Dancing, And That's How I Met Your Mother.

My Day Jobs... I Knew I Was Bad At Those, So I Didn't Really Have The Confidence To Think That I Could Do Comedy. But I Knew I Hated The Day Jobs.