As You Know, The Thing

My Candidacy Is A Compelling Argument For My Candidacy. I Want To Be President.

I Think For The Foreseeable Future, The Truth Is Going To Be Awful And Funny All At The Same Time.

I Believe That The Federal Government Should Be Laying Down Broadband Like Eisenhower Laid Down Interstates.

I Have A Lot Of Cultural References That Have Amassed In My Brain Like Shrapnel Over The Years That Are Meaningful To Me.

Everyone Feels Like They Would Love To Be A Really Cool Bartender In A Really Cool Bar, But You're Still Surrounded By People Who Want To Destroy Themselves With Alcohol. When You Look At It That Way, It's Not That Much Fun.