As Miss America, My Goal

Donald Trump Says That He Will Not Run For President. You Know Why? He Can't Find His Birth Certificate.

You Know Who Must Be Very Secure In Their Masculinity? Male Ladybugs.

How About This John Edwards Thing? Imagine That, A Personal Injury Attorney Who Turns Out To Be A Sleaze Ball. Who Could Have Seen That Coming?

President Obama Told The Irish People That America Will Always Stand By Them, To Which Israel Laughed.

There Was Also Talk Of Bringing Al Gore To California To Help Out, But There Was Concern That Gray Davis And Al Gore In The Same State Would Cause Some Kind Of Rolling Personality Blackout.