Anyone Can Read The News

I'm Not A Standup. I Didn't Start Off As A Writer, I Learned To Write Through Improvisation, And So That's The Part Of The Show That Can Most Surprise Me. The Written Part Of The Show, I Know I Can Get Wrong. You Can't Really Get The Interview "wrong."

The Worst Thing About Affirmative Action Is That It Encourages Reverse Discrimination, So-called Because It Goes In The Opposite Way Of How We Naturally Discriminate.

Any Religion Whose Messiah’s Name Isn’t Recognized By Microsoft Word Can’t Be That Much Of A Threat.

There Is No Food Closer To My Heart Than Cheese. In Fact, According To My Doctor, It Has Nearly Filled My Aorta.

As Shakespeare Said, There's Nothin' Cooler Than Droppin' The 'g's Off Of Gerunds!