Any Time You Try To

In A Mad Moment, My Family And I Purchased A Home In Maine Because It's The Place In The World That My Wife Loves Better Than Any Other Place Or Any Other Human, And So I Have Committed My Life And What Had Once Been My Economic Security That Has Now Returned To Insecurity, To A Patch Of Painful, Rocky Land On The Shores Of Horrible, Cold Waters To A Place Where People Go In The Summer To Experience Autumn Because Leaves Start Falling On August 1.

The Few People Who Ask To Have Their Photographs With Me, I Almost Always Say Yes, Except For A Few Circumstances, Like When My Family Is Around.

I Am Not Beautiful, So I Don't Know Why I'm Making Myself Ugly. But The Mustache Stays.

I Think That By The Time I Start Writing The Third Book, Of Course, I Will Be President Of The United States, And That Also Will Have Something To Do With It. I'll Probably Have To Acknowledge That Somehow.

Any Time You Try To Create An Internet Meme, Automatic Fail. That's Like The Worst Thing You Can Do.