According To Cnn, Donald Rumsfeld

My Stockbroker Asked Me Something Important Today: Paper Or Plastic?

How Many Watched The President's Speech Last Night? [half-hearted Audience Applause] How Many Watched American Idol ? [thundering Applause] Okay, There You Go! You Get The Government You Deserve.

Espn Has Announced That They Are Launching A 3-d Sports Network. Industry Analysts Say This Will Absolutely Revolutionize The Way Americans Don't Watch Soccer.

According To A New Poll, 50 Percent Of Americans Think The Country Is Divided. The Other 50 Percent Think It Isn't.

Anyway, A Spokesman For Barack Obama Says The Prisoners That Are Released From Guantanamo Will Either Be Sent Back To Their Home Countries Or Enter The New York City Cab Driver Training Program.