A Wise Friend Once Told

I'm More Of A Writer Than An Actor, And I Used To Say That I'm Mostly An Improviser, Though I Haven't Improvised In Awhile.

I Was Wearing My Best Gap Turtleneck And My Dates Were Two Adult Lesbians, So Yea, I Was Pretty Cool.

Feminists Do The Best Photoshop Because They Leave The Meat On Your Bones. They Don’t Change Your Size Or Your Skin Color. They Leave In Your Disgusting Knuckles, But They May Take Out Some Armpit Stubble. Not Because They’re Denying Its Existence, But Because They Understand That It’s Okay To Make A Photo Look As If You Were Caught On Your Best Day In The Best Light.

I Have A Suspicion That The Definition Of "crazy" In Show Business Is A Woman Who Keeps Talking Even After No One Wants To F*** [sleep With Her] Anymore.

I’m Not A Mean Person, But I Have A Capacity For It. I Have The Biting Comment Formed Somewhere In The Back Of My Head — Like It’s In Captivity. Sometimes People Expect That I’m Going To Be Tough. It’s Not A Bad Situation. People Treat You Better. People Are On Time.