A Small Waist Makes You

When They Told Me I Needed A Mastectomy, I Thought Of The Thousands Of Luncheons And Dinners I Had Attended Where They Slapped A Name Tag On My Left Bosom. I Always Smiled And Said, 'now, What Shall We Name The Other One?' That Would No Longer Be A Problem.

A Friend Never Defends A Husband Who Gets His Wife An Electric Skillet For Her Birthday.

I Was Terrible At Straight Items. When I Wrote Obituaries, My Mother Said The Only Thing I Ever Got Them To Do Was Die In Alphabetical Order.

With Boys You Always Know Where You Stand. Right In The Path Of A Hurricane. It's All There. The Fruit Flies Hovering Over Their Waste Can, The Hamster Trying To Escape To Cleaner Air, The Bedrooms Decorated In Early Bus Station Restroom.

Do I Have To Use My Own Money?