A Man In Thailand Was

This Morning My Dad Called Me Up And Said, 'so, Tonight's Your Last Show, Huh.' And I Said, 'no, Dad, That's Someone Else.'

The 'tonight Show' Didn't Seem Like An Actual Job That You Could Have. All You Remember Is You Watched Johnny Carson, And You Never Thought He Would Retire.

Here's A Little Bit Of Good News. The Coast Guard Says That Bp Is Now Catching Up To 630,000 Gallons Of Oil A Day. The Bad News Is That They're Capturing It With Ducks.

It's Something I Worry About When I'm Working Out. I Don't Want To Get Too Fit. Because I Don't Want The New Davinci Of This Millennium To Say, "you. I Have Found My Muse. I Have To Sculpt You."

Officials From The Soccer Organization Fifa, Which Decides Which Cities Get To Host The World Cup, Are Accused Of Accepting Bribes When Making Their Decision. Of Course The Toughest Part For The Soccer Officials Was Taking Bribes Without Using Their Hands.