You Can Write A Great

Whoever You Hate Will End Up In Your Family. You Don't Like Gays? You're Gonna Have A Gay Son. You Don't Like Puerto Ricans? Your Daughter's Gonna Come Home With Livin' La Vida Loca!

Kids Always Act Up The Most Before They Go To Sleep.

I Get Approached To Do Shows All The Time. There's A Lot Of Money In Sitcoms, But I've Never Been The Kind Of Guy Who Wanted To Do One. I Don't Think People Want To See Me Saying "honey, I'm Home." It's Just Not My Thing.

You're Not Famous Unless People's Mothers Know Who You Are. Everybody Else, You Think You're Famous, But You're Just Hot, And Heat Cools Off.

Nobody Ever Says, 'hey Daddy, Thanks For Knockin' Out This Rent.' 'hey Daddy, I Sure Love This Hot Water.' 'hey Daddy, It's Easy To Read With All This Light.' Nobody Give A Fk About Dads!