My Favorite Meal? It Has

I'm Kind Of Jealous Of The Life I'm Supposedly Leading.

I Can't Watch The News Anymore. They Have Their Priorities All Out Of Whack. All I See Is Natalee Holloway And Britney Spears And The War In Iraq. Where's The Substantive News? Where's The Zach Braff Coverage?

My Tears Cure Cancer Too, It's Just That I Laugh At Cancer Patients.

People Still Make New Year's Resolutions? Wow. I Figured Those Were Pointless Once I Perfected Myself By Directing, Writing, And Acting In Garden State. I Guess It Makes Sense, Though. It Gives People A Chance To Hope That They Can Become As Great As Me Someday.

I Was Excited About The Dark Knight Until Heath Ledger Gave Away The Ending, Batman Always Wins.