This Warning From The New

Do You Know What I'm Going To Do When I Retire? I Hope To Become The New Face Of Scientology.

There's A Turkey Shortage. Are You Aware Of That Fact? There's Also A Gravy Shortage. It's Up To $4 A Gallon. Governor Chris Christie Wants To Build A Gravy Pipeline.

Congratulations Are In Order For Woody Allen - He And Soon Yi Have A Brand New Baby Daughter. It's All Part Of Woody's Plan To Grow His Own Wives.

Don't Worry About Me. I Plan To Continue To Be In Show Business. I Have Already Been Booked To Be In A Production Of 'the Sunshine Boys' With Jay Leno.

Today Would Have Been The Birthday Of Osama Bin Laden. It Makes Me Remember When Seal Team 6 Threw Him A Surprise Party.