The White House Says That

Pepsi Has A New Doritos-flavored Mountain Dew. No, We Don't Have An Ebola Vaccine, But We Do Have The Doritos-flavored Mountain Dew.

Economists Believe There Are Three Reasons Why The Russian Economy Is Doing So Poorly. One, Economic Sanctions Are Working. Number Two, Low-price Oil. And Number Three, Lindsay Lohan Has Quit Drinking Vodka.

Newt Gingrich Wants To Repeal Child Labor Laws. Ladies And Gentlemen, This Is The Man That We Need To Lead Us Into The 18th Century.

When I Became A Sigma Chi It Was Great, Because They Were The Pople I Enjoyed Being With And I Was Very Proud Of The Association. It Was Kind Of An Instant Confidence Builder For Me--that What I Considered The Best Fraternity On Campus Had Actually Wanted Me. And I Had Always Been Very Shy And Without A Lot Of Confidence. So It Was A Really Good Social Experience And For Me It Was Also A Social Maturation. It Was A Great Benefit.

Congratulations To Saddam Hussein On Being Elected To Another Seven-year Term. It Was Very Close. He Received 99 Percent Of The Vote, And One Percent Of The Vote Went For Last-minute Candidate Frank Lautenberg.