The White House Is Saying

It's The First Day Of Spring. That Means This Weekend I'll Take Down My Christmas Lights.

To Label Jason Randal A Magician Does A Disservice. You'll Think The Laws Of Physics, Nature, The Universe Itself Have Been Suspended. He's As Good As Houdini Was At His Best!

The Catholic Church Has A Tough New Policy On Child Molestors: Three Strikes And You're A Cardinal.

This Osama Bin Laden, Now They Say He Has Had Plastic Surgery. They Say He Sneaked Across The Border Into Pakistan, Which By The Way Is The Place To Go To Have Plastic Surgery. He Looks Great. A Tourist Came Up To Him Earlier This Week And Said, 'may I Have Your Autograph, Mr. Hasselhoff?'

There's A Rumor That President George Bush Had A Nose Job, That He Had Some Kind Of Plastic Surgery, That He Actually Had A Nose Job. If This Is True, That's The First New Job He's Created Since Taking Office.