The One Great Gift To

Mayonnaise, Like Hollandaise, Was Invented By The French To Cover Up The Flavor Of Spoiled Flesh, Stale Vegetables, Rotten Fish. Beware The Sauce! Where Food Comes Beslobbered With An Elegant Slime You May Well Suspect The Integrity Of The Basic Ingredients.

If There's Anyone Still Present Whom I've Failed To Insult . . . I Apologize.

There Has Never Been An 'original' Sin: Each Is Quite Banal.

How Can I Be So Evil? It Ain't Easy.

Nothing Could Be Older Than The Daily News, Nothing Deader Than Yesterday's Newspaper.