Snooki Is Now A Published

Public Service Announcement: In Case Of A Terrorist Attack, Bottled Water And Duct Tape Are Not Going To Do A Damn Thing. So Do What Homeland Security Dir. Tom Ridge Does: Get Really Drunk, And Pick Up A Hooker.

You Know, We Had The Elections Earlier In The Week, And A Dead Woman, In Pennsylvania, Somehow Was On The Ballot And She Was Elected To City Council. A Dead Woman Actually Elected! And I'm Thinking, Well, I Guess There Is Still Hope For Al Gore.

And Now The Really Difficult Part: We Have To Rebuild Iraq Into A Strong And Independent Nation That Will One Day Hate The United States.

New Republican Presidential Candidate Jon Huntsman Is Fluent In Chinese. In A Short Period Of Time The Republicans Have Come Quite A Long Way. The Last Republican President Wasn't Even Fluent In English.

Prince William And Kate Middleton Are In New York City. We Have Got To Do Something About Immigration.