Self-pity Is Better Than None.

Just Because I Have Rice On My Clothes Doesn't Mean I've Been To A Wedding. A Chinese Man Threw Up On Me.

We Named All Our Children Kid. Well, They Have Different First Names, Like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .

I'd Love To Slit My Mother-in-law's Corsets And Watch Her Spread To Death.

By Far The Most Common Craving Of Pregnant Women Is Not To Be Pregnant.

When I Go To The Beauty Parlor, I Always Use The Emergency Entrance. Sometimes I Just Go For An Estimate.