Rock Stars Did Not Invent

Like Most Fans Of 'so You Think You Can Dance,' I Wouldn't Know A Pasodoble If It Beat Me With A Rake.

I Get Sentimental Over The Music Of The ’90s. Deplorable, Really. But I Love It All. As Far As I’m Concerned The ’90s Was The Best Era For Music Ever, Even The Stuff That I Loathed At The Time, Even The Stuff That Gave Me Stomach Cramps.

The Times You Lived Through, The People You Shared Those Times With — Nothing Brings It All To Life Like An Old Mix Tape. It Does A Better Job Of Storing Up Memories Than Actual Brain Tissue Can Do. Every Mix Tape Tells A Story. Put Them Together, And They Can Add Up To The Story Of A Life.

Monogamous Musicians Are Like Vegan Hockey Players.

But Mtv Relishes Its Vestigial Role As A Star Maker, So Every Year It Puts All Its Clout Into Making The Vmas The Biggest, Splashiest, Loudest Show-biz Extravaganza Of The Year, Honoring All This Music For Existing, After A Year Of Paying Barely Any Attention To It.