[on Plastic Surgery:] When I

Isn't My Fur Stole Pitiful? How Unsuccessful Can A Girl Look? People Think I'm Wearing Anchovies. The Worst Of It Is, I Trapped These Under My Own Sink.

I'm The Woman Who Used To Think That Middle-age Spread Was A Cocktail Dip.

When I Go To The Beach, Even The Tide Won't Come In.

My Photographs Don't Do Me Justice - They Just Look Like Me.

My Recipe For Dealing With Anger And Frustration: Set The Kitchen Timer For Twenty Minutes, Cry, Rant, And Rave, And At The Sound Of The Bell, Simmer Down And Go About Business As Usual.