My Real Life Is Funnier

Oh, Hi. I Been Married Thirteen Years, And Lemme Tell You, It's A Thrill To Be Out Of The House. I Never Get Out Of The House. I Stay Home All The Time. I Never Do Anything Fun 'cause I'm A Housewife. I Hate The Word "housewife." I Prefer To Be Called "domestic Goddess.

You Can Always Get Better. Nobody Can Stop You From Getting Better, And Nobody Can Stop You From Trying To Make Something Right.

Sometimes For Me Not Throwing A Tantrum Is What Running A Marathon Or Swimming The English Channel Must Be Like For Others Of A Less-challenging Emotional Nature.

There Is No Scarier Chasm Of Darkness Than The Human Mind.

I'm A Comic, And I'm Supposed To Outrage And Make People Laugh, Part Of Makin' People Laugh Is To Shake Up Their Thinkin'. That's What I Came Here To Do.