My New Year's Resolution Was

I Call My Balls The Bush Twins.

I Think Those Neighborhood Signs That Say 'slow Children Playing' Are Mean.

I'm Not Cynical When It Comes To Things That Are Important. I'm Cynical About Pop Culture And All That Horseshit.

I Get Burned Out On Standup. But I Like Acting. I Do Like It. But Sometimes You Just Feel Like A Monkey. You Just Feel Like A Complete Tool. But I Like It. I Do Like It. Stand-up Is Just More Free. A Lot More Freedom Because You Just Do What You Want To Do.

I Try To Write Three Jokes Every Day. I Don't Sit Down And Write Them, It's Just Things That Pop Into My Head. Then I'll Go Watch It Fail Onstage That Night.