I Think You Can Use

Last Night, President Bush Gave A Prime-time Press Conference. It Was Such A Big Deal That Fox Decided To Preempt American Idol. Which Made Sense To Me, You Don't Want Too Many Amateurs On In One Night.

Pepsi Has A New Doritos-flavored Mountain Dew. No, We Don't Have An Ebola Vaccine, But We Do Have The Doritos-flavored Mountain Dew.

Yesterday, The Senate Voted To Approve President Clinton's Decision To Send Troops To Bosnia. And They Voted To Change The Name Of That Mission To "operation Forget About Whitewater".

By Accident Jeb Bush Announced That He Was Running For President. And Then He Said, 'no, Not Yet. Ok, I Made A Mistake.' And Then Later In The Day, By Accident, He Called Hillary And Congratulated Her.

Moammar Gadhafi Was Found Hiding In A Storm Sewer With A Gold-plated Gun. That's Me In Retirement, Ladies And Gentlemen.