I Have To Tell You,

If You See Me On Friday, You'll See Different Material On Saturday Night.

Why Would You Want To Keep The Bluebird Houses Mounted In A Place That You Now Know Is Unsafe For Them? Bluebirds Are Not Ornaments For Pictures, They Are Living Things That Deserve Your Best Effort If You Are Going To Be A Landlord To Them. There Is No Magic Spell That Will Protect Those Bluebirds--they Have To Depend On You Or They Are Doomed.

I'm Also Doing A Special For Comedy Central Called Autobiography. It's Going To Be A Spoof Of Biography.

The Thing That Cracks Me Up Is How These Reality Characters Start Out Thrilled And Excited Just To Be On Television, And How They Move To Thinking They Are As Big As The Friends.

I Have A No-apology Policy. No Apologies For Jokes. I Apologize In My Real Life All The Time. I Say Ridiculous Things, I Make Mistakes Constantly. But When I'm On Stage, I'm At A Microphone It's A Joke!