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Herman Cain Has Suspended His Presidential Campaign, But He Has Asked The Secret Service If They Could Continue To Provide Him Protection, At Least Until His Wife Cools Off.

President Obama's Trying To Work Out A Nuclear Deal With Iran, And The Republicans Are Steamed. They Got Together And Sent Iran A Letter About The Nuclear Deal. They Said If This Doesn't Work, By God, They're Going To Send Seth Rogen And James Franco.

Pope Francis Is Going To Go To Washington, D.c., To Address Congress. He Believes The New England Patriots Have Been Deflating His Giant Hat.

There's A Rumor That President George Bush Had A Nose Job, That He Had Some Kind Of Plastic Surgery, That He Actually Had A Nose Job. If This Is True, That's The First New Job He's Created Since Taking Office.

There's A Turkey Shortage. Are You Aware Of That Fact? There's Also A Gravy Shortage. It's Up To $4 A Gallon. Governor Chris Christie Wants To Build A Gravy Pipeline.