Hypocrisy Is The Outward Acknowledgment

In Estimating The Adversities Of Life, We Would Seldom Have Much Reason To Complain Of The Evils We Suffer, Did We Understand The Dangers We Daily Escape.

Note To Self: No Matter How Bad Life Gets, There's Always Beer.

I Completely Understand Why A Businessman Would Fire Me From 'saturday Night Live'. Because He Was Seeing Jay Leno Kill 10 Minutes A Night, Doing His Monologue With Wall-to-wall Laughs And Applause, Then I Do 10 Minutes A Week To, Sometimes, Breathtaking Silence. He's Just Listening For The Laughs.

If You're Looking For The Suspect In A Suicide Bombing, Here's A Clue: Look For The Dead Guy.

Flattery Succeeds Best On Minds Previously Occupied By Conceit.