God Always Comes Up With

My Love Life Is Like A Piece Of Swiss Cheese; Most Of It's Missing, And What's There Stinks.

I Have No Sex Appeal And It Has Screwed Me Up For Life; My Gynecologist Examines Me By Telephone.

When You First Get Married, They Open The Car Door For You. Eighteen Years Now...once He Opened The Car Door For Me In The Last Four Years - We Were On The Freeway At The Time.

I Was Absorbing A Sorry Truth Of Show Business - Rejection Is The Norm And Acceptance The Oddity. I Was Learning To Cut The Tops Off My Highs And Stay With The Lows Where The Rejections And Letdowns Would Be Shallow.

Comediennes Are The Lucky Ones, Because If You're Funny, You Can Be 125 Years Old And They Will Still Accept You.