For The Majority Of The

I Always Hate Telling My Jokes In Print 'cause I Always Feel Like It Reads So Not Funny And People Read It And They Think, 'oh, So That's What That Guy Does In His Stand-up? That's Terrible.'

You Can't Say Your Favorite Kind Of Cake Is Birthday Cake, That's Like Saying Your Favorite Kind Of Cereal Is Breakfast Cereal.

So Many Gay Jokes Tonight About (james) Franco. Apparently If You're Clean, Well Dressed And Mildly Cultured, You're Super Gay Now. Is That Why The Rest Of You Guys Are So Aggressively Fat And Dirty? You Think If You Read One Book And Take A Shower, Dicks Are Going To Just Fly Into Your Face.

I Can't Think Of Any Bank Robbery Comedy Where It's About Two Normal Guys. It's Kind Of Like Superbad Meets Heat, Which Is A Cool Combo, And It's Just Fun Doing A Normal Guy That's Robbing A Bank.

To Be Honest, I Tend To Romanticize The Past, And Though I Appreciate All The Conveniences Of Modern Life, Sometimes I Yearn For Simpler Times.