Are You Excited About The

I Don't Like Jokes About Sex Or Bodily Functions Or Drug Use Or The Difference Between New York And L.a. I Never Do Any Of That.

Have You Been Following The Big Oil Spill In The Gulf Of Mexico? Or As We Call It Now, The Dead Sea.

Well, We're Just A Couple Of Weeks From New President Barack Obama Being Sworn In. And He's Been Very Busy Naming A Lot Of Cabinet Positions. And Today He Announced That He Wants The Surgeon General To Be Tv Dr. Sanjay Gupta. That Was The Kid On 'american Idol,' Wasn't It?

President Obama Has Two Years Left As President. I Wouldn't Be Surprised If He Gets To Appoint Two New Kardashian Husbands.

Fifteen Years Ago Tomorrow I Had Open Heart Surgery, A Quintuple Bypass Surgery. Thanks To All Of My Doctors. Because Of Them, In 15 Years Of Life I've Been Able To Experience, Well, Acid Reflux, Short-term Memory Loss, And Erectile Dysfunction. Thanks For All Your Work. It's Great To Be Alive.